Let me explain.
Today was supposed to be a landmark day in my and my teenage daughter's lives -- her first group outing without parents. I knew this day was coming for a while. She's nearly in high school. In 4.5 years she'll head to college (without me - sob!). Sometime between now and then, she'll go out with friends without her parents' watchful eyes making sure she's safe, not being hassled by strangers. She'll be a passenger in her friends' cars when they drive. She'll go on dates! So today was Day One of this journey.
I did my part -- I dropped her off at Starbucks. Didn't even go inside to make sure she connected with her friends there. Her words -- "Don't embarrass me, Mom" -- were rattling around in my head. I told myself I had faith that we'd raised her properly so far. They'd be in a group. It's daytime. She had her phone with her. It was on, and would ring loudly enough if I called. (I tested this ahead of time.)
Fast forward two hours, when I picked my daughter up she told me, "I think Christina is mad at me." (Christina is M's best friend.) I puzzled -- why should this be the case? Christina wasn't at this outing. Then M explained that another girl at the outing, whom I'll call Passive Aggressive Dana, had taken a short video of M using M's phone, and sent it out to M's Instagram followers via M's phone. They all got to watch a video of M having fun. Without them. At an event to which they weren't invited. Wonderful.
For the record, M has been on the receiving end of exclusionary Instagram photos and videos like these. It's no fun to be reminded of people having a good time without you. Now she had inadvertently been made a perpetrator of sending out an exclusionary-type video. Lesson learned: when you attend a fun event without all your friends, be discrete about it. Don't take 'us-ies'. Don't share them. Also, guard your phone.
Bullying research in the past 8-10 years has begun to examine cyber-bullying. Young people harass one another online, including via email, text message, and by making mean comments on Facebook. It can be even worse with angry ex-dating partners. Nothing like having "Susan is a big whore" posted in your Facebook page by ex-boyfriend Furious Fred.
Then there is the more psychological bullying typically associated with females -- passive aggressive actions like rumor-spreading, social excluding, and ignoring. It strikes me that taking 'us-ie' photos of oneself and others and posting them on Instagram for all to see is a type of e-social exclusion/bullying. I googled "Instagram & exclusion" but didn't find anything. I can't be the only one who has noticed this.
And then there are the other negative things about Instagram that can wreak havoc on an adolescent's self-esteem. Post a picture of yourself to see how many likes you get. Only 49? Teenage self-esteem plummets. Notice that Passive Aggressive Dana got 102 likes on her selfie, posted at the same time as yours. Notice that another friend has 'tagged' (named) all her friends in a photo, but not you. Self-esteem plummets even further. Instragram functions as a second-by-second rating of one's looks and social status. For teenagers who are as confident and sure of themselves as teenagers are (translation: not very), this is really awful. So glad there's an app for that. Not.
